Raising kids is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. I am constantly learning to work with my kids’ strengths and weaknesses as well as my own. My journey with Discovery Toys has helped me put a few new tools in my parenting tool box and I have identified four areas that I continue to struggle with and want to keep improving. I invite you to join me on my: Building your Parenting Toolbox Challenge.
CHALLENGE #1: TAKE THE TIME TO PLAY
Everyone has 1440 minutes in a day, the difference is how a person chooses to spend that time. It can be so easy to say, “I’m busy right now” when your child asks you to play. I know I am guilty of thinking I do not have time. That is when I stop and think about it and I try to make the time. When I stop and play with my child it offers me a mental break from what I am doing, it can be a stress reliever. It also sends the message to my kids that they are important to me. Sometimes we play a game and sometimes I get down on the floor with them and let them lead the play. I ask them what they want me to do with the toys. When playing, let them be in charge. At first, I find that playing with them can feel awkward and forced, but soon I get caught up in playing. I start to see my apprehension start to diminish and my own creativity and imagination start to increase. Remember to take the time play with your children of all ages, babies need play time too.
CHALLENGE #2: LIMIT SCREEN TIME
If we have 1440 minutes in a day how many of those are spent in front of a screen? There are so many screen time options for our kids these days it is hard for them not to have some exposure. As a parent it is our responsibility to monitor screen time. How many times do we click the “continue watching” button on Netflix, let kids watch You Tube video after You Tube video, or play those educational apps. The brain learns best through play not through screen time. Find out more information at this educational resources Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/playeducationalresources/. Check out the units section to find resources on screen time and and other educational topics. Some of the screen time topics include how it influences mood, social media readiness, the American Academy of Pediatrics screen time recommendations and other areas it is effecting our children.
CHALLENGE #3: BE THE DIFFERENCE TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE: Embrace the three C’s-Be a CALM and CONSISTENT COACH
I sometimes forget that my children are not little adults; they are developing and learning how to interact in the world around them. In other words, I sometimes need to remind myself that they are kids and they are still learning how to react when life does not go according to plan. This is where the staying calm comes into play. I need to demonstrate the behavior I want in my children. I’m not sure if this is a challenge for you but for me I catch myself not always setting the best example. (i.e. when your child says #!@#$ and you realize they just heard it from you.)
Remember to be consistent. If you state a rule or direction is your expectation for kids to follow through? What are the consequences if they do not follow through? When you ask your child to pick up the toys you may have to lead him or her in the start. Place your hand over his or her hand and start the task. Follow through on what you say and the consequences you have stated will occur. Remember the consequences need to be appropriate not too harsh and not too lenient. Learn more about setting limits from Robert Mackenzie in his book Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child.
I try to remember I am a coach not a spectator. I used to have a house cat that that would walk on the counters, the cat knew it should not walk on the counters. When I sat in my chair told it to get down it would continue to walk on the counters, but as soon as I got up it would jump down. If you think of it in terms of green light, yellow light, red light. When I was sitting and telling the cat to get off the counter I was sending a caution message, but it did not really feel need to stop doing what it was doing, but as soon as I stood I sent a red light message. Kids react in the same way. Green light means go ahead. Yellow Light means proceed with caution. Red Light means stop. If you don’t get out of the chair, your message that you feel is a red light, will come across to your children as yellow light. Robert Mackenzie describes this further in his book. Another great resource is the book Parenting Infants and Toddlers Without Going Nuts by Maria Marinakas. Here are tips on communicating with your child.
- Get close to your child if possible. (Putting a gentle hand on his or her shoulder helps reinforce your message.)
- Use your child’s name.
- Wait for eye contact.
- State your direction in a calm voice.
- Give one direction at a time. (Be clear, concise, and specific.)
- Use language your child understands.
- Praise your child for following directions.
CHALLENGE #4: PRAISE YOUR CHILD
We tend to forget the power of praise. Positive reinforcement will always be a stronger motivator than negative reinforcement for creating the demeanor of your children (also co-workers & spouses). Dale Carnegie in his book How to Win Friends & Influence People summarizes the fundamental techniques for handling people in three principles. The first, don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Instead try to figure out why a person is doing what they are doing. Is your child over tired, hungry, did something happen at school? Play detective find out the underlying reason behind the behavior and address that. The second, give honest and sincere appreciation. Take the time to acknowledge actions and feelings and give compliments. In our home my kids can get “hangry” when they are hungry. On a day when they are not acting “hangry” I need to remember to compliment his or her patience. We tend to forget to praise the good because we expect it, but kids are learning and we need to acknowledge and celebrate good behavior. In our house my kids sometimes want to stand on the chair at dinner or climb up on the table. Instead of criticizing the one doing the behavior I want to discourage I praise the child doing the behavior I want to encourage. I am amazed by how quickly the other child wants to comply and I have not even asked them to change his or her behavior. The third, arouse in the other person an eager want. I think of the third principle in terms of ownership. When someone has ownership of a problem they are more likely to desire a solution. My oldest made a library area and took great pride and organizing and tidying it up because it was her area. I praised her on the great job she did and she does not like to see that area get messy.
I wish you the best of luck on the Building your Parenting Toolbox Challenge.
CHALLENGE #1: TAKE THE TIME TO PLAY
CHALLENGE #2: LIMIT SCREEN TIME
CHALLENGE #3: BE THE DIFFERENCE TO “C” THE DIFFERENCE: Be a CALM and CONSISTENT COACH
CHALLENGE #4: PRAISE YOUR CHILD
Disclaimer: I am an Educational Consultant for Discovery Toys. I review these products as part of my business. To find out more about Discovery Toys go to http://www.discoverytoys.com/amandalarson or follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/toysteachkids In addition, I may profit off any clicks to links made in this site.